Now that the poxy meaningless ritual called Christmas has past it is time to address the next poxy meaningless ritual called my 60th birthday. Hitherto this is traditionally scheduled for January 16 but my delight in marking the day 365 sleeps from the day I was born in 1957, lost its potency in 1958 when I woke up in my cot already bored with cooing parents relatives, cake, cards, pressies and similar crap so so soon after my first mice pie. THUS MY BIRTHDAY IS RESCHEDULED TO AUGUST 1st. Anyone who has the presumption to acknowledge the 16th will have their legs broken and any cards presents or goodwill will be shredded – so SO DON’T? THIS IS IN EARNEST and PERMANENT!
Yes I have done it by deed pole.
RULES for my birthday on AUGUST 1st
1. Decent gifts are encouraged. These should be of an appropriate price and quality- I would suggest a minimum spend of £50 but this is negotiable. Strictly no charitable donations- you may form small groups to spend the £50.00 Check with Chris whether this is OK.
2. Cards on paper with first class stamps are OK but only this once, thereafter they are banned for the duration of my life.
3. Any other form of ‘card’ will be liquidated unread.
4. Witticisms on my age will amount to insults and will reflect badly on the senders capacity to write or to think
5. NO eating things, drinking things, flower things, soft things from Marks, funny things or anything I don’t like.
6. I like Mamod stationary engines, lighters pre 1960, phones pre 1950, murano glass, lucite items, gold eg sovereign rings, well chosen books, music of any kind, vintage photographs, well designed gadgets (care with this one) a Landrover from the 60’s any kind of American car pre 1970, clocks, almost anything that isn’t new and needs fixing, speech sythesisers for the 1980’s or earlier, dogs.
7. You will all attend my birthday on August 1st which will be a barbecue in our garden. You will bring tents and stay the night. You may also bring drones and kites or hot air balloons, RC aircarft. Children are allowed but must be silent in my two hour poetry reading and accompanying contemporary dance performance.
8. Pets are actively encouraged as they are so much more fun than human relatives and friends. They should NOT be kept on leads but roam free in the equisite anarchy I call my birthday bash ‘ total freedom for Chris and everybody else in chains.’
I am still hellish dizzy but otherwise very well indeed. Every time I stand and up or move I have to lean on something solid. This creates an impression of someone about to throw up, clamouring for attention or auditioning for Richard III.
We had a superb day yesterday during which time I actually talked myself hoarse on my favourite subject – Other people’s creative projects that I can interfere in. Lisa is exquisitely patient with my excessive enthusiasm to meddle in her creative life – I am so excited!!! I had the most thoughtful gifts from our four children and our friends ( yes we have four children now) I believe I have ever received, everything was brilliant and so so generous. You wait till you see me wearing them.
That’s its for now. I do actually love you all xxx